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O'Hara Factor
Sunday, June 27, 2004

Precision Guided Humor: If Reagan Ran the War on Terror

The Alliance of Free Blogs has issued an assignment for bloggers to analyze what Reagan would do if he was running the War on Terror (presumably with his mind intact).


Reagan re-inaugurated. Military instantly doubles in size both by Reagan policy and new-found enthusiasm in clear-thinking youth. ROTC and OCS overflow with new cadets and midshipmen.


Reagan announces war on terror, best birthday gift I ever had. Liberals call Reagan crazy. Reagan tells Leahy "F*** yourself."


Armed forces overthrow Taliban. Al-Qaeda announces shortly afterwards that he'll give up in 24 hours at a designated point west of Tora Bora. Bin Laden then heads south to Pakistan, where U.S. is actually waiting. Idiot.


Iraq takes over for Al-Qaeda, attempts hijackings. Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson yell "Up yours!" Struggle ensues, pilots win. Bodies jettisoned while tied to lavatory tanks over UN building and Paris. Tanks fail to withstand impact with ground. Annan and Chirac are literally pissed off.


Operation Infinite Justice (not the PC "Enduring Freedom") overthrows Iraq.
SEALs steal Al-Sadr's turban, leading to his execution. General Shinseki is retained as Army Chief of Staff. Resistance is futile.


Rest of terror regimes abdicate, knowing they're next.


New Budweiser commercial features special forces sending French wine into cave holes. Terrorists can't resist temptation and start drinking. Thinking French forces are waiting outside, they all come out of the cave. Special forces, waiting outside, yell "WASSSSSSSUUUUHHHHHPPP?!?" and kill them. Nation rejoices.


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